Well folks, what a week. In a word: Weak.
But I’ll put a little meat on those bones for you, because I’ve been watching a lot of CNN so I have it on reliable authority that you are all clearly far too stupid to think for yourselves, or decide the outcome of a presidential election for that matter.
The biggest scoop of the week, no doubt, was Mark Zuckerbergs revelation that, in fact, it had been Facebook all along that had sunk Hillary Clinton's multi-million-media-assault at the presidential campaign. That is to say, rather than that “Russiagate” nothing-burger that CNN would have us believe. But wait, Russia is still involved? Those cads! And to think that while CNN has been waving the Russian flag like a matador in a fight to the death with a raging bullshit, Zuck had all along conspired with Putin to spend, possibly spend, 100K in ads possibly linked to Russia, and somehow sink the Clinton Campaign juggernaut. Masterful. That Putin is one crafty president/spy. I’m just Glad Zuck came clean now and admitted his treasonous collusion before Morgan Freeman releases a video and makes him his bitch with his immeasurably vast and knowledgeable (and perplexingly nuanced) grasp of global geopolitics.
In the background of course there were a few speeches or something at some “U.N.” function. I think it’s only fitting if I despatch this one succinctly, so strap yourself in:
- · Trump threatened fire, brimstone and genocide against North Korea, y’know, similar MO to every other U.S. Pres except he ACTUALLY ADMITS these things. A Fresh Twist.
- · Bibi rambled on about Iran as usual
- · Russia sneakily introduced the underhanded tactic of diplomacy to resolve global conflicts, I don’t know they get away with these things.
- · And shit…
Bookies highlight: At odds of 32/1 Macron supported the Iran nuclear deal, this guy likes to keep us guessing, no?
Hillary Clinton added 72 new names to her list of who to blame for losing an erection or something, but it would appear she got some consolation for her Golden Globalist nomination of the defining performance of the Wicked Witch Of The West, in the “It was my Turn” category, beating out Bernie Sanders for the second time since the DNC,…. And then added him to the list instead of apologising to him for stealing the election from him (the move that surely clinched it for her).
In other news, I cut myself shaving. I #BlamePutin of course, and Global Warming.
Elsewhere: Racists caused earthquakes, Muslims are to blame, Bankers warn us that Bitcoin is not real currency and Golberg Sachs the Titanic.
Stay tuned next week, I’ll be sure to keep telling you what to “think”.